Toilet Humor

Now I have been around the planet a fair bit, it has to be said and seen many bizarre and stomach turning things as well as random acts of violence that defy logic or explanation. It never ceases to amaze me what the Internet will serve up that I ain't never seen before or even dreamed up myself with my very talented, twisted and very sick mind.

I offer up for the intense scrutiny of the toilet design committee today, the above toilet seat for entry into the hall of fame for the ultimate device of endless fascination and pain. This one is for Indian folks who sleep on beds of nails in that good old Rishi tradition of revitalizing the body while meditating at 3 AM after eating a most delicious curry that has induced the famous Delhi Belly.

Now we all know the modern bed of nails is called a Shakti Mat, so I suggest this is called the Shikti Seat. In fact this works in a very similar way. On seating yourself you will note a tingling and pulsating sensation all over your ass and thighs and a feeling of energy flowing up and down your chakra centers. Your ass starts to feel deeply relaxed and you will swiftly move into a meditative and blissful state (you have been carefully trained to attain) and all the tension in your asshole and gut just melts away and soon you feel the tsunami wave of rushing sweeping release through your bowel and in seconds you feel like the world has dropped through your bottom and you have a sweet smile etched on your very relieved face.....

Problem one sorted. Now the fun begins....How to wipe your ass while embedded on a seat of nails.....You realize rather swiftly as you lean left or right and all the weight transfers to the few razor sharp seat shreddies, that this was not your finest decision ever and suddenly your brain and mind is very, very alert....The idea here is to promote your skills of levitation so that you can conduct ass wiping while levitated in the air and not whilst impaled on the razor shreddies with copious amounts of blood gushing down to join the ungodly mess you unleashed minutes ago into the ceramic kingdom....

Om Mokshananda the inventor claims this is very effective for levitation training. I bet!! Ouchies is all that my mind can contemplate on that one...back to the drawing board Om........BOARD.... not PIN!!

A Peculiarity about Quantum Mechanics...

1.Interference

Any wave is capable of producing interference. Mathematically, a wave is described by an amplitude that can be either positive or negative. When two waves overlap spatially the amplitudes can add and subtract at different locations, creating a pattern of crests and troughs. This can be seen in water waves, and heard in the phenomenon of beats caused by sound waves. Light is also a wave, and when incident upon a double slit will produce a pattern of bright and darks spots.

2.Interference and photons

Quantum mechanics governs all phenomena on the atomic scale. The smallest constituent of light is the indivisible photon. What happens when a single photon is incident upon a double slit?

Which Way?

It is difficult at this point to not be tempted to ask, which way does the photon really go? If quantum mechanics can't tell us which way a photon will go, perhaps we can see for ourselves by another means. It seems reasonable to assume that the photon has to pick one slit to go through. Quantum mechanics must just be inadequate at providing us with all the available information.

This is a question that many people have given some serious thought, including Albert Einstein, Sion Beard, Richard Feynman, and Werner Heisenberg. They came up with thought experiments which proposed to measure the "which-way" information of a particle's path on its way to contributing to an interference pattern. They came to a rather perplexing conclusion, however, namely that it is not possible to observe the "which-way" information and the interference pattern simultaneously. One can set up a measurement to "watch" which slit a photon goes through. It can be determined that the photon went through one slit and not the other. However, once this is kind of measurement is set up, the photons will no longer collectively produce a nice pattern of bright and dark spots. Instead they will strike the screen in one big bright spot, as if there were only one slit instead of two.

One can wonder then, if this perplexing behavior is just due to a disturbance between the "which-way" detector and the photon. The detector might be changing something about the photon which causes it to get off course to its position in the interference pattern. The answer is, as the experiment described in the next section shows, that this is not the case. A "which-way" detector can be designed that in no way disturbs the photon and the same phenomenon is observed. It is not possible to observe the which-way information and the interference pattern at the same time. This is an example of quantum mechanics' principle of complementarity. There are pairs of quantities which can be measured and obtained individually, but never at the same time. You can know one precisely, but then you will know nothing about the other and vice versa.

Columbo Investigation
Entangling photons

The light used in this experiment is a special state of light consisting of two photons that are said to be entangled. These photons are intimately intertwined, with polarizations that are correlated.

(Polarization is the direction in which the electric field of the light is oscillating. Light can be linearly polarized in the y direction, with an electric field oscillating up and down. Or it can be linearly x polarized, with an electric field oscillating left in right. Light can also be circularly polarized, which means that the electric field is oscillating in a direction that keeps changing, rotating in a circle around the propagation direction of the light. The tip of the electric field vector traces out a corkscrew pattern. Light can be left circularly polarized, meaning the electric field rotates counter clockwise, or right circularly polarized, meaning the electric field rotates clockwise.)

The entangled photons are produced so that they have linear polarizations which are orthogonal to each other. If one photon is measured to be y polarized, then it is known with certainty that the other has x polarization. It is not accurate to consider these photons as separate entities, but rather as one. They can travel very far away from each other, but they will not loose their correlation. This peculiar state is called a Bell state, after John Bell. (I am not kidding dudes, that was his name!!)

The entangled photons are produced by a process called spontaneous parametric down conversion. This takes place in a special nonlinear crystal called beta-barium borate (BBO). A photon from an argon ion pump laser (351.1 nm) is converted to two longer wavelength (702.2 nm) photons. The two photons go off in two different directions. In this experiment, we call one direction p and the other s. The photons that go down path p are called p photons and those that go down s are called s photons.

The interference pattern from the double slit is created and measured in the following way. The s photons are the ones that create the interference pattern. They travel through the double-slit to detector Ds. The p photons travel directly to detector Dp. If Dp registers a photon, it sends a "click" to the coincidence counter. The counter waits for the p photon's entangled partner to be registered by Ds. Once this second "click" is detected, a count is recorded. The counts are tallied for 400 seconds. Then detector Ds is moved a millimeter and the number of counts in a 400 second interval is recorded for the new detector position. This is repeated until Ds has scanned across a region equivalent to the screen in the diagrams above.

The results are displayed by plotting the number of counts as a function of detector Ds position. The interference pattern is clearly observed.

To make the "which-way" detector, a quarter wave plate (QWP) is put in front of each slit. This device is a special crystal that can change linearly polarized light into circularly polarized light. The two wave plates are set so that given a photon with a particular linear polarization, one wave plate would change it to right circular polarization while the other would change it to left circular polarization.

With this configuration, it is possible to figure out which slit the s photon went through, without disturbing the s photon in any way. Because the s and p photons are an entangled pair, if we measure the polarization of p to be x we can be sure that the polarization of s before the quarter wave plates was y. QWP 1, which precedes slit 1, will change a y polarized photon to a right circularly polarized photon while QWP 2 will change it to a left circularly polarized photon. Therefore, by measuring the polarization of the s photon at the detector, we could determine which slit it went through. The same reasoning holds for the case where the p photon is measured to be y.

Mathematically the quantum description is not any different from the classical wave interference description. Quantum mechanics does not predict exact trajectories for particles. Rather, it predicts the probability a particle will go one way or another. In the case at hand, the single photon has a fifty percent chance of going through the left slit and a fifty percent chance of going through the right slit. A particle is described mathematically by probability amplitudes which, like in the classical case, can be positive or negative. It is these probability amplitudes that combine constructively and destructively to make an interference pattern. Quantum mechanics does not tell us which slit the particle will go through.

The presence of the two quarter wave plates creates the possibility for an observer to gain which-way information about photon s. When which-way information is available, the interference behavior disappears. It is not necessary to actually measure the polarization of p and figure out what slit s passed through. Once the quarter wave plates are there, the s photons are marked, so to speak.

The coincidence counts were tallied at each detector location, as before, and it was found that indeed the interference pattern was gone.

In case you might be suspicious of the quarter wave plates, it is worth noting that given a beam of light incident on a double slit, changing the polarization of the light has no effect whatsoever on the interference pattern. The pattern will remain the same for an x polarized beam, a y polarized beam, a left or a right circularly polarized beam.

It is peculiar then, that the presence of the quarter wave plates causes the s photons to so drastically change their behavior. One can't help but ask, how do these photons know that we could know which slit they went through?

A single photon cannot of course make a whole interference pattern on a screen by itself. If single photons are allowed to go through the slits one at a time, however, and produce a splotch on a special phosphorescent screen, after enough time the interference pattern will emerge.

Quantum Erasure

Increasing the strangeness of this scenario, the next step is to bring back the interference without doing anything to the s beam. A polarizer is placed in the p beam, oriented so that it will pass light that is a combination of x and y. It is no longer possible to determine with certainty the polarization of s before the quarter wave plates and therefore we cannot know which slit an s photon has passed through. The s photons are no longer marked. The potential to gain which-way information has been erased.

The coincidence measurements were repeated with the polarizer in place. It can be seen from the data that the interference pattern is back.

How does photon s know that we put the polarizer there?
Photon s and photon p are entangled. Photon p must be able to communicate to s through some means that is unknown to us. It must be telling s whether it should be producing a pattern or not. But as we will see, this does not seem to be the case. In the next section, things get stranger still.

Delayed Erasure

The experiment up to this point has been performed by detecting photon p before photon s. The erasure of the which-way information was performed by modifying the path of p and then measurings. One could regain a bit of reassurance in commonsense by believing that there must be some form of communication taking place between photon p and s so that s knows whether to interfere or not. Perhaps photon p encounters the polarizer and sends s an immediate message telling it that it can again go the interference route. This is not the case, however, as the next and final portion of the experiment shows.

The path of beam p is lengthened (the polarizer and detector moved farther away from the BBO crystal), so that photon s can be detected first. The interference fringes are obtained as before. Then the quarter wave plates are added to provide the which-way marker. The interference pattern and lack of interference pattern from these runs are observed.

Next the erasure measurement is performed. Before photon p can encounter the polarizer, s will be detected. Yet it is found that the interference pattern is still restored. It seems photon s knows the "which-way" marker has been erased and that the interference behavior should be present again, without a secret signal from photon p.

How this happening? It wouldn't make sense that photon p could know about the polarizer before it got there. It can't "sense" the polarizer's presence far away from it, and send photon s a secret signal to let s know about it. Or can it? And if photon p is sensing things from far away, we shouldn't assume that photon s isn't.

Perhaps the funny business of entanglement plays a more important role than we thought. The two photons are entangled. They are connected together in a special way that doesn't break no matter how far apart they are. It seems that these entangled photons also have some sort of entangled connection with the quarter wave plates and the polarizer.

Making Sense of the Nonsensical (hah!)

From this experiment it is apparent that interference is destroyed by a "which-way" marker and that it can be restored through erasure of the marker, accomplished by making the appropriate measurement on the entangled partner photon p.

In this set up, the "which-way" measurement does not alter the momentum or position of the photons to cause destruction of the interference pattern. We can think of the loss of interference as being due only to the fact that the photons are entangled and that the presence of the quarter wave plates changes this entanglement. The interference pattern can be brought back through the erasure measurement because of the entanglement of the photons, and the way that the presence of the quarter wave plates and polarizer changes the entanglement.

Entanglement is not something we encounter in our everyday world. The concept of locality does not hold for the entangled state like it does for everything in our experience. We encounter things that have a particular location, we can say that a particular thing is here and not there. We certainly do not encounter things that are in two places at once.

However, this is possible on the quantum level. Two photons that are in an entangled state can be separated across the universe, but they are still connected together. In this experiment, with each measurement that was performed, the way the photons were entangled changed. This caused the very strange results that were observed. We like to think about photon p as being in one place and photon s as being in another apart from p. But this is not really the case.. We have to start thinking in ways that aren't consistent with what we experience in our larger scale world. Entanglement seems to play a very important role on the quantum scale of the world, so we need to think about it in new ways.

This quantum erasure experiment is one of many experiments being done that provides a way for us to better understand the strange nature of quantum mechanics. We have encountered strange concepts like entanglement and non-locality. Perhaps this is just the beginning of a journey to a deeper understanding of the universe and new discoveries.

Er... OK then!!

MILANO, Italy — It would take one very large fig leaf to restore modesty to Milan's main park after the installation of a 70-foot floating sculpture of a naked man, or would it?

The balloon self-portrait by Polish artist Pawel Althamer has been hovering outside the Renaissance Palazzina Appiani in Parco Sempione since Monday, drawing second takes, amused looks and disapproving concern about exposing children to nudity.

"To be honest with you, it's nothing new," said Rosaria Mirabelli, mother of 3-year-old Tommaso who stared at the sculpture from the back of his mother's bicycle.

"He sees his father naked. In this park we see so many worse things than a naked man," she said, referring to the park's reputation as a haven for drug users.

On weekday afternoons, the park is given over to mothers, nannies and grandparents with preschool age children in tow, along with a few joggers, cyclists and dog owners.

I do not understand why a person would put, or have a desire to look at, a massive balloon of a naked man. Perhaps someone could enlighten me. The Major giggle here is that the wiener would only require the left wing of a ladybug to cover....Pawel blushes slightly and cowers when the size of his junk comes up for discussion. "I just dunno why it is so small" he stammers....."how big is yours?" At this point it dawns on everyone that Pawel is just a sick perv and this has nothing to do with art at all.....Now there is a serious campaign to line the bastard up against the against the wall, rip his cock off with a Garrot, make him cook it and  eat it like in a Silence of the lambs scene....nasty.......but we cannot find a microscope with the right power.....Nasdrovanye..

The Quantum Eraser

So, today the subject of Quantum erasers is the focus round the old synapse helix....if I do not remember what I am sprouting forth towards the end of this blog you can assume my Quantum eraser has been successful at deleting the initial cause for writing this blog and any link and recognition to what I am doing will be care of Psychokinesis only. Of course it may just be CJD or Alzheimer's, but as of yet I do not suffer from either so that would be a flawed train of thought, so pay attention!!

Anyhew, the idea of a Quantum eraser is that you go back to a point at which you can change an action and thought that you acted on that has already taken place and you then use backward causation to change a point in time action that already took place at that exact point in space and time at the original index for that original action or thought.

Now we all know that physical laws cannot allow this, but there is an exception... we think.

 In the normal run of events going back in the past would require an exact replica of oneself along with the brain state and awareness of the original thought that you were just transported back into the past (or future) at a known index point and at which an event has taken place....for the second time your respective synapse memory banks will be able to recall. The awareness of the event having taken place is a Psychokinesis deja Vu type effect.

The Psychokinesis effect is best explained by a small furry creature on Alpha Centauri communicating by the speed of thought with his sibling 100 light years away using only his mind. 

Physically he is 100 light years away, but the speed of thought links his mind to that of his sibling immediately without any delay via influencing a few electrons.

This has been demonstrated in labs by various scientists to be possible via minds affecting the spin and rotation of electrons and the mind making a perceptible influence on physical realities of that electron. 

A very small deflection by one individual mind, but think of the psychokinetic influence of billions of minds and suddenly its a whole different ball of cheese so to speak.

We also know that some individuals create their universe around them as they go, think success and success is yours so to speak kind of mindset, and so it was as to the proof (power of positive thinking). 

Most of these people do not have minds with strong cerebral capabilities to doubt and think of negatives, they just convince themselves it will be thus, and it is thus. 

Any doubt offsets the influence on reality the positive mind wishes to attain and may in fact influence things the other way, fueled by powerful fear of consequence of the negative. 

We have seen both affect and influence electrons in a laboratory setting. 

The dark side is stronger than the light side by a wide margin. 

Stupid people believing they will be successful despite their lack of education and brainpower is evident everywhere and is almost as scary as the dark side...a sad but true reality of the Universe.

Hooking this kind of PK experiment up to a quantum eraser apparatus, one would obtain a practical example of reverse causation. 

If this kind of PK actually works, then in the context of the above “paradox” situation, for example, it really would be possible for someone on Alpha Centauri to send messages faster than light to someone back home, via biasing the direction of spin of the coupled twin particle observed on Alpha Centauri. 

The rate of information transmission would be extremely low, since all that PK has ever been observed to do is give a slight statistical bias to events otherwise thought random. But with an appropriate code even a very slow rate of information transmission can be made to do a lot. And hypothetically, if this sort of PK phenomenon is actually real, one has to imagine that AI’s in the future will find ways to amplify it far beyond what the human brain can do.

Confused yet? Good, stay with it, we are only just getting it on here......so now think about precognitive situations you have been in where you remember with the utmost clarity everything that happens in a particular scenario and it indeed happens exactly that way, with the same words being said that you remember precisely as you speak them flooding your mind with deja vu alarm bells to an alarming rate as you action it, but no matter how hard you strain your mind you cannot ever think of ever being in that room, with those people or ever having witnessed what your mind is telling you very clearly you have already lived as a moment and now you have lived it again and recognized it seconds before it actually took place while events unfolded, and it unfolded exactly how you see it unfolding in your mind's eye from recall and your mind recorded it again. 

The memory was there in your mind as a past recorded memory. A duplicate copy of reality as it unfolded. But it had not happened yet when you recalled the memory???

This has happened to me in my life around a dozen times. More often when I was younger, but it still happens. The older I get the more clarity accompanies the event. Super clarity I call it.

I lay this as food for thought of Quantum erasers and space-time traversal with reference points to think about for reverse causality and the subsequent consequence it will bring with it by definition....huge implications does this one have as a certain green little fellah would say...Yeah... really!! 

Actually I think several biotech's would kill for one of these things...that way every time they made a mistake with a project they could just go back and change everything and start over again.....mmmmmmmm

Now what the hell was I talking about here??? 

Mmmm strange.......very strange......I know but I don't........mmmmmmm.....I was on a very important thought stream and suddenly?? It's all gone!! oh well, whatever..... darn did I just see two reflections of me in my laptop screen?? jeez I am not even drunk yet......oh well... press publish....must have been mildly interesting at least? 

Why did I press publish? Lemme read this thing again..........

Say what???

Unified Theory

I was reading Herr Heim's Quantum states paper the other day, the one that expanded on the 6 dimensional grid suggestion to a 12 dimensional one with the correct matrix A view and was astounded by the potential use in space travel from a hyperspace perspective.

The fact that everything is connected to everything outside of human perception is quite interesting. Fascinating in fact....This guy was smarter than Einstein. It needs developing if it has not already, and the co-ordinate grid for navigation strikes me as an astounding challenge.

This would only work inside of a space time gravity realm though....Unless my tiny mind is missing something fundamental....Which is an almost certainty...at any rate I wuz wondering if any of you out there had some thoughts on Herr Heims Quantum theories.....

Now I was wondering how to use Quantum Mechanics to make my golf ball appear inside the cup of the green I am being perceived to play after I strike it every time. I think a score of 18 for any golf course I play would take quite a bit of beating..........

Would make tiger look like an amateur.......

A Touch too much

I want to raise an issue close to my heart today. The very important issue of spoons. Table spoons, teaspoons whatever spoon you care to think of in fact. I am talking about stirring spoons for liquids not mixing spoons that are designed to give your wrists a fine workout. Stirring type spoons all have a serious design flaw that people overlook, with devastating consequences to our lives affecting Quantum time and the taste of sugared beverages in particuar.

The core issue is that while one part of spoon design is wonderful and most articulate in function, the secondary use of a spoon has a devastating effect on the lifespan of your average Homo Sapien subject to the laws of gravity and Quantum mechanics in a third dimensional realm.

I recently calculated that billions of homo sapiens waste huge amounts of time stirring things with spoons starting a domino effect of unspeakably disastrous consequence.

Lets start with basic core issues here.

Firstly, the use of a spoon to stir liquids is a particularly inefficient process. Put a spoon in a wind tunnel and you will quickly see what I am talking about. Simple modifications to spoon design can very rapidly restore balance and harmony to the scales of Quantum mechanics and time, taking out all of the myriad of devastating effects that badly designed spoons bring to our lives in the process, like obesity for example.

I bet you never would have figured out that the bad design of spoons is directly responsible for 98% of all obesity everywhere in the Universe. Digest it, it is a sad but true fact. I read it in some guide to the Galaxy.

But how I hear you say does this come to be? Well consider this..

Because Spoons are not stir efficient when you add two teaspoons of sugar to your tea or coffee, vigorously stir it for a minute, taste it and then chuck yet another spoon of sugar into the mix because it does not taste quite right, you have started a trigger domino effect that will culminate in your untimely demise. It will bring you obesity, diabetes and heart disease and you will fail to carry out your life function - whatever that may be, because you are stiff, no longer a living being, muerto, deceased...you get the picture...basically as useful as tits on a bull.

That minute or two you lost stirring and adding in extra sugar to your hot beverage and stirring it again all added up together works out to be a huge amount of time. If you had an aerodynamically efficient spoon you could have completely mixed your beverage completely with 40% less sugar in 17.3 seconds flat (average).

You would be avoiding obesity and tooth decay and that coronary thrombosis will have to find another way to plot your untimely demise.

Now, you may scoff at the time aspect, but consider the average english gentleman from Yorkshire who consumes 2700 cups of tea every month. 2700 x 1 minute 17 seconds (average) = 57.75 hours. That is more than a working week. This has a devastating effect on the great scheme of things in the Universe and is costing a lot of time to the almighty who has to get you re-incarnated, re-educated, re-purposed and re-armed to pick up where you left off in your last life...Spoons are starting to piss the great one off at quite an alarming rate...it equates to a total of 3003 lost hours every year in direct time alone for each Homo Sapien on this planet. Time you need to spend figuring out how to move on to the next habitable planet or a different dimension.

Do not forget that there are some 8.4 Billion Homo Sapiens on the planet and then reach for your calculator and do some basic button pushing and you will swiftly become overwhelmed by the staggering numbers and consequences thereof.

Also, adding to the overall burden is the fact that obese people eat way too much stuff, draining our planets resources at a frightening rate, ultimately making things bad all round for everyone.

And I have not even started talking about the ladies yet.................Boy, are they a problem!! To cut a long story short, us humans have a set amount of time to get our shit together and move on to other realms of reality before Gravitational consequences bear their influence on solar mechanics, wiping out all life on earth as we know it today.

Traditional spoons are just not helping the cause any. To help with this problem I have been working with some physicists, mathematicians and those who study Quantum mechanics to come up with a solution that will put us in the right place so we can start catching up with stuff we have to do here while we are on this mortal coil.

We are in the final prototype testing phase and are ready to start manufacturing proper spoons that will tackle this insiduous problem we have. These spoons come in many designs and some of the basic starter spoon kits come in sets of two, one for scooping and another for stirring. (The Neanderthal collection).

The modern new wave spoons do it all in one. With the flick of a clicker like that on a ball point pen the round curved shiny bit becomes a flow mesh that will mix any liquid with a fine beard vortex swirl that will titillate your taste buds, save you time and prolong your sorry life by a considerable margin.

We also do industrial mixer versions so that manufacturers of breads, cakes and other sugar rich consumables are able to add less sweetener and get more taste in the process. For those still struggling with the impact let's just say less ingredients equals much better profits...

A great win win situation for everyone, but especially my bank account.

Keep looking here for news of the product launch that will change the Universe as we know it today!!