Tourists to be fed to Goanna Lizards

TOURISTs will soon be fed to Fraser Island goannas, a Queensland critter expert has warned.

Fraser Island conservation consultant Mike West said dingo fencing has stopped wild dogs from reducing lizard numbers and despite the "do gooders" not listening to common sense the Goanna Liberation Army has decided "fuckit, let the blooming goannas just eat a few Nip tourists and then they will see some bloody common sense, quite literally", Mike laughs. "I will even sell tickets that we will save up for  a couple of tinnies and a few abo's to rip the fence up once the blooming fools see what they have done with this stupid fucking fence mate." Mike quipped to our reporter.

Goannas which can grow up to 2m in length are carnivores and their hefty tail can be dangerous when swung, much like a crocodile. Small children and dogs have been knocked down by such attacks in the past.

Fraser island is heavily populated with large goannas and they often hunt for food in groups.

"We're up to our armpits in bloody great big goannas at Kingfisher Bay and Eurong because there's no dingoes inside the fences to chase them off," said Mr West.

There have been reports of goannas entering tents on Fraser Island and climbing on to picnic tables after food.

"Goannas are dangerous," Mr West said. "They can give you a bad bite and they are likely to bite.

"I got chased by one and had to drop an Esky full of frozen tinnies on it. It's the same problem as dingoes. They are not frightened of people.

"Are they going to start shooting goannas next? They've already shot kookaburras for pecking people and they are trying to trap a crocodile off Fraser.

"Where's it all going to end?"

Mr West said the island's dingo fences were a failed stupid fucking experiment and should be abandoned.

Fences at Happy Valley and Eurong cost more than $750,000 while $150,000 was spent at Kingfisher Bay.

However, four of the past five dingo attacks had occurred immediately outside the enclosures.

A spokesman for Sustainability Minister Kate Jones said the island's dingo management strategy was being reviewed, but denied what a dumb cunt she and her crew of low IQ do gooder morons really are.

"Look matey" she bellows at our reporter, "As we work for the Government, we are not very bright to start off with, but we had good intentions about the threat of dingoes to people, we just do not have the cerebral capabilities to think of all the fucking ripple effect consequences our meddling may cause" she said.

We asked a prominent US Neurologist in New York about the IQ required to figure out basic binary ripple effects and he stated that there was some truth to that statement, "If your IQ was slightly lower than your average dead ferret"....