SWITZERLAND, fed up with being correctly portrayed as a tax-dodgers' paradise, is rebranding itself as a land of hunky half-naked over sexed, erotic peasants with waxed chests and glossy lederhosen.
"We want to show Switzerland in its best light, the fantastic countryside and a bit of its culture," says Tina Steinauer, who has been shooting the 2010 calendar for the Gay Swiss Farmers' Union at the village of Seegraben near Zurich.
The culture in this case, centres mainly on skimpily clad gay male farmers holding hoes or throwing around bales of hay with what appear to be cowbells stuffed into their underwear. This is apparently known as lingerie farming and is said to be very popular in the Swiss Alps.
The aim is to export the calendar and show first of all that Swiss farmers have moved on a bit since Adolf lost his marbles but also that Switzerland is not - or not just - a nation of greedy cheesy bankers.
The country has had a bad press recently, with Germany and the US criticising it for refusing to surrender the names of tax evasion suspects.
Relations with Berlin are particularly brittle. Peer Steinbruck, the German Finance Minister, stirred up sentiment in the Alps by saying that the Swiss were behaving like Red Indians - (Not yellow indians) - in flight from the US Cavalry, a reference to the way that bankers have been resisting the opening of accounts like some women resist the opening of their legs on a saturday night.
A Swiss deputy then compared Mr Steinbruck to a Nazi. The minister replied by apologising to Red Indians (not yellow indians) - they, at least, had no record of tax-dodging - but not to the Swiss.
This month Mr Steinbruck lumped Switzerland and other tax havens together with Ougadougou, the capital of Burkina Faso. This mysterious but presumably humorous gaffe was intended reference to a country that does not even figure on the OECD list of tax havens and made the Swiss boil bright red with rage.
Indeed, they apparently got so hot under the collar that they took the collar off, and did not stop there.
Auditioning for the erotic farmers' Gay calendar is now down to the final two dozen Gay Yodelers. Hundreds applied and the atmosphere was said to resemble a television talent casting show, only with goats. When it is finally shot, it will be exported to Germany, where farmers tend to be fully clothed and grumpy about milk prices.
The reason everyone is in bed by 10 PM every night in Switzerland is that Lederhosen erotica is a serious business, as Adolf Hitler can attest to from his time in Zurich back in 44 counting his stolen yiddish gold and other plunders made from rich Jewish businessmen all over Europe and his gay romps with Swissbank officials in their deepest bankvaults in the aftermath of gay orgasm and such..........
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