Nepal runs out of goats to sacrifice

Oops, looks like the Coven from Coventry and the Hells gate Pylon are going overboard on the blood sacrifice thing this year.

The government has been forced to send officials into the countryside to look for animals to help ease the shortage in Kathmandu.

Goats and other animals are ritually slaughtered and eaten during the Hindu festival of Dashain to appease the goddess of power, Durga.

Bijaya Thapa, deputy general manager at the Nepal Food Corporation, said: "Kathmandu city faces a shortage of goats during the festival, which always brings a high demand for goat meat.

"We are bringing goats in to ease the supply and to control dramatic price hikes."

Officials have been told to persuade farmers to sell their livestock in rural areas, where the government has posted adverts calling on people to sell their goats.

Mr Thapa said the price of the animals had risen by a quarter in the capital as the festival approached, and the government was hoping to bring in around 6,000 extra animals.

"Our staff have been mobilised across the country to search for goats to prepare for the festival," he said.

"Around 240 goats have already reached Kathmandu and we are expecting more in the coming days."

Bird Brain...!!

BIRDS of a feather drink together, as this amazing photo reveals.

At Post Office Square, in Brisbane's bustling CBD, three clever pigeons showed remarkable teamwork on Thursday in an effort to quench their thirst.

After waiting until it was clear of humans, one pigeon jumped on the lever of a water fountain, while another kept watch and the third took a cool drink. When it had drunk its fill, and had a bath, it was time to move along and let his mates in on the action.

For 10 minutes the birds drank and washed while passersby marvelled at their ingenuity.

Unlike other birds who take a sip of water and throw back their heads to swallow, pigeons suck up water using their beaks like straws. And they are considered among the most intelligent of all the bird species.

While unpopular with city workers - pigeons are nicknamed the rats of the sky - they are quite clean. And now we know why!

Fun in the Sun.... zzzzzt.......

MIAMI Florida: More than 40 children shocked with stun guns while visiting prisons in April may not have been the first ones zapped, a report released yesterday noted. A corrections officer told investigators she saw a similar series of "demonstrations" at a prison about five years ago......er no actually three years ago...mmmm... a year ago??? Jeez!! Actually it was jus last week Friday!!

The report included hundreds of pages of documents gathered during investigations ordered after the Department of Corrections learned children aged five to 17 had been shocked at three Florida prisons on April 23, which was the state "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work" Day.

Three employees were fired and two resigned. More than a dozen others were disciplined.

No children were seriously hurt or taken to hospitals.

At one prison, those who had been shocked were told they could be first to get hot dogs and hamburgers for lunch, according to the report. Some even asked to be shocked and laughed like lunatics afterwards.

Some children were shocked individually while others were part of a circle where children and officers held hands so the shock would be passed around. (I am sure they are just saying this to turn me on...!!)

Despite an officer's recollection of a similar demonstrations in 2003 and 2004 at a shocking Florida Panhandle prison, this year was the first time anyone reported one, spokeswoman Gretl Plessinger said.

The report also confirmed what officials had said earlier -- that some children's parents were asked for permission for their brats to get the treatment but others were not. Department of Corrections secretary Walter McNeil has said previously that even though some parents had given permission, that did not excuse officers.

Unlike a Taser, which shoots a probe that delivers a shock, the devices used at the prisons were stun guns, which work when touched to a person's skin and affect a smaller area of the body.

The result is two temporary marks that look like mosquito bites. The marks may later turn into bruises about the width of a pencil eraser.

Parents later noted that some kids appeared to have been bitten by a pair of rabid mosquito's on their genitals, but it was in fact the stun gun aftermath.......

Viva Airbus!! Viva Le France!!

Just when some of us were pondering humane and subtle ways to effect global population control and effectively chlorinate the gene pool, along comes Airbus Industrie (AI) and the French Government (Frogs) with a solution that has been poorly hidden for quite some time now.

Well, what is it you ask? 

Well folks, you are looking at it. It's called an Airbus. It does not matter which one (circa 1988), they were all designed with the same basic features and eventually deliver the same result.

If gruesome and unusual death is what tickles your gizzards, you're in luck!! 

AI have just the thing for you!! 

To deepen the mystery for your loved ones that you leave behind after your gruesome demise, the French secret service (Spy Frogs), in cahoots with AI officials will ensure nobody bar those select few in positions of power will ever find out what really happened. 

Of course it's a ridiculous situation as we all know very well that the chances are that the ADIRU unit did it's magic once more and vexed the computer into it's rather odd and bizarre self destruct routine. 

Now the interesting thing is that Boeing use these self same faulty ADIRU units from Honeywell in their fly by wire products, so the first question I am asked is how come they do not have the same issue? 

Well, Boeing do not believe in taking control away from the pilot and making life ending acts that rip the tail off of their fine aircraft. 

Their logic is that this is a job the pilot should be doing, not the machine. (and a fine decision that is too).

Of course (re Airbus) if you have an IQ higher than 72 it will become devastatingly clear that something about the crash is amiss, especially when you hear the drivvel that AI and the Frogs serve up as explanations. 

I had no idea the French were such entertaining bullshit artistes.....It is amazingly entertaining.

Especially when they decide to pooh pooh the Brazillian Doctors autopsy findings of the 51 souls they did find from AF 447 and proclaim that the aircraft broke up when it hit the water, a pity the autopsies did not align with that fascinating and pleasant fantasy, but hey, all those jobs at Airbus cannot be put at risk with trivial issues like air disasters.......

If they (AI) like, I can conduct some interesting proof of concept tests with a couple of stiffs and a remote controlled 707 care of my pals at DERA. Should be a hoot.

Just so that you know, if you step on board one of their (AI) fine population control machines you have willingly and knowingly taunted the gods and are in effect playing a big stakes game of Russian Roulette. 

If you nod off while seated on one, do not be surprised to find yourself taking a stroll through the golden fields of Elysium. 

You will run into Zeus while on this happy little adventure and as a result you can safely conclude you have departed the ranks of the living once you have met with him.(He will tell you in case you don't get it, in case you were wondering).

For those wishing to give that adventure a miss you are required to pay some attention when booking your air travel. When you book your flight, look at the equipment assigned for the task.

These change all the time, but generally you can look at the assigned equipment type. Airbus aircraft are distinguished from Boeing and other aircraft by the letter A in front of the numerical designation. 

Airbus aircraft in service that are classed as flying coffins are those with the infamous fly by wire control systems. I believe these are from the A320 series onwards.

Airbus 300 and 310 series models are generally quite safe if maintained well. 

These are quite old nowadays so well maintained specimens are becoming rare as time marches on. Airbus have been going since 1970 btw...

When you are seated on your aircraft you can also reach into the pocket in front of you where amongst the magazines and other shite you should find the safety proceedures chart that will inform you of the series aircraft you are currently sitting on and how to get out a la Hudson.

If you notice the words Airbus and see the Alpha numeric designation A320, A340, A380 etc, breathe slowly, calm down, resolutely find your bags and stuff you came on board with (post haste), and make a beeline for the exit door before you find your body in a Post Mortem state. (This is an out of body experience btw...)

The early Airbus models (A300/310) do not sport the population control computer systems and the ADIRU unit that command the aircraft to self destruct by taking violent actions such as a violent left rudder immediately followed by a violent right rudder command. 

These have proven very effective at ripping off the tail of the aircraft transporting your sorry ass. This unfortunate situation compromises cabin pressure somewhat, causing passengers to experience a rather rapid loss of consciousness (mercifully) and shortly thereafter an untimely and rather messy death.

It's just swell that this automatic feature alleviates the pilot of the final decision.

It is after all a well known fact that some kamikaze pilot types bottle out at the last moment. 

As such, AI took the final decision out of the hands of the pilot in command to prevent a change of heart and drive the act to a rapid conclusion.

You know what pussy boys some of those Froggie pilot types can be....

For a demonstration of how effective this really is, in 1988 Air France arranged for Michel Asseline to show off the new feature at an airshow, you can see it here on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVZdqqPOgpw .

Effective or what folks? 

Their latest population control feature comes care of a well thought out ADIRU system that may make the computer conclude that the aircraft has stalled, is at the wrong speed, at the wrong pitch or a bunch of wrong stuff all at the same time. 

The computer then takes this false information and tells the airplane to do some really groovy shit without any pilot input. 

Fuck - who needs a pilot anyways? 

Pretty soon thereafter the message " Game over!! " Cheerfully flashes on the console screen and you then find that you are walking through the fields of Elysium with good old Zeus by your side. Cool or what?

These ADIRU units are featured on A330 type Airbuses in particular. 

A320 series 100's were the forerunners of this awesome adrenaline rush airframe self destruct feature.

Now this is a bigger rush than a crazy ass roller coaster death ride like the Pepsi Max, and is becoming quite a high stakes thrill run for those who have grown tired of the rush that playing Russian Roulette gives them.(If that happens to be what makes your strings vibrate with the sheer thrill of it all)

Make sure your last will and testament with clear instructions are in the hands of your lover, lawyer or trustees so that your loved ones can be adequately provided for after you shuffle off this mortal coil in such a spectacular fashion.

For higher chances of success and more danger added to your thrill there is an airline pecking order that offer the best rush for your Euro. 

Naturally, Air France got the pick of the crop, so try them first, then there are a whole bunch or arabic airlines that even the Frogs have banned from their airspace as they know fine well what will happen, and prefer it to happen somewhere else. (Preferably not in France). 

Then there are some Eastern European operators, the Greeks and even the Turks to choose from.

Remember folks, when you play Russian Roulette or fly on Airbusses that adequate insurance and care for your loved ones is strongly advocated. Please play death dare games responsibly and remember, if there is a will, I want to be in it.

Seriously...

Extra!! Extra!! Read all about it - Russians with sense of humor

Russia's energy giant Gazprom has signed a $2.5bn (£1.53bn) deal with Nigeria's state operated NNPC, to invest in a new joint venture.

The new firm, to be called (NO JOKE) Nigaz, is set to build refineries, pipelines and gas power stations in Nigeria.

Analysts say the move could further strengthen Russia's role in supplying natural gas to Europe.

The agreement comes during a four-day African tour by Russian President Dmitry Medvedev.

As well as forming Nigaz, Russia is keen on developing a trans-African pipeline to transport Nigerian gas to Europe.

This could further reinforce Gazprom's already-strong influence over Europe's energy supplies.

'Commodity-rich'

"Russia has a number of goals [in Africa], one of which would be to take part in a growing competition for resources and markets on the continent - mainly with China," said Yaroslav Lissovolik, head economist with Deutsche Bank in Moscow.

Sergei Novikov, a spokesman for Rosatom, Russia's state-run civil nuclear energy agency, said the Nigaz deal would lay the foundations for building nuclear power reactors in Nigeria.

Nigeria has previously said it would like to develop a nuclear power plant to address its energy shortages.

Before visiting Nigeria, Mr Medvedev spent time in Egypt.

He is also visiting Namibia and Angola - which are rich in natural resources - during his trip, as he seeks to promote Russian business interests.

"Part of the agenda is to push Russia's credentials as a representative of commodity-rich developing countries with such forums as the G8 and the G20," said Ural Sib bank's chief strategist Chris Weafer in a note to investors.

Chinese deal

Russia is not alone in seeking to secure energy deals overseas with commodity-rich nations.

Separately on Thursday, Chinese oil refiner Sinopec has made a $7.2bn bid to acquire oil exploration and producing firm Addax, which focuses on Africa and the Middle East.

If the deal is approved by regulators it would be the biggest foreign takeover by a Chinese firm.

Via italiana per Alzheimer e Parkinson

ROMA — Immaginate dei cassonetti stracolmi di rifiuti. Immaginate che il servizio di nettezza urbana sia in sciopero e che dunque non vengano svuotati. Dopo qualche giorno il contenuto comincerà a di­sturbare i cittadini, contami­nando l’aria di odori sgradevo­li, creando problemi igienici. E’ un po’ quello che avviene all’interno di ognuna delle cel­lule del nostro corpo quando non riescono a smaltire le so­stanze tossiche prodotte dalla loro stessa attività. Col tempo le scorie si accumulano e dan­no il via a una concatenazione di eventi che generano malat­tie gravissime. Dall’Alzheimer, alla Corea di Huntington, al Parkinson, alla larga serie di sindromi da accumulo (muco­polisaccaridosi, glicogenosi ecc) catalogate nel lungo elen­co delle patologie rare di origi­ne genetica. Il meccanismo alla base di questo errato funziona­mento è stato svelato dai ricer­catori del Tigem, l’istituto di Te­lethon di genetica e medicina con sede a Napoli. Ieri la pubbli­cazione dello studio su Scien­ce.

«E’ probabilmente il risulta­to più importante che abbiamo mai ottenuto, ci stiamo lavo­rando da due anni», dice An­drea Ballabio, direttore del cen­tro. Aver capito per quale moti­vo la spazzatura non viene de­gradata, cioè scomposta e poi riutilizzata per la vita della cel­lula, potrebbe portare alla mes­sa a punto di farmaci capaci ap­punto di correggere il difetto. La maggior parte delle malattie da accumulo non hanno tera­pie. Gli organi vanno in tilt. Guarigione è una parola scono­sciuta. Dalla ricerca del Tigem potrebbe maturare la soluzione non per una ma per tutte. Non bisogna illudersi però. Le ricer­che si trovano in uno stadio precoce. Adesso si passerà alla sperimentazione sugli animali e, se va bene, sull’uomo. Quan­ti anni? Due, cinque o anche 10. Tutto dipende da cattivo fun­zionamento di un gene, il TFEB, che a sua volta coordina una squadra di geni collabora­tori. E’ paragonabile a un tele­comando che può accendere di­versi schermi. L’uno e gli altri coordinano le funzioni dei liso­somi, minuscoli organelli che agiscono nella cellula come in­ceneritori (e infatti si parla in certi casi di malattie lisosomia­li).

Una specie di «cabina di re­gia ». Spiega Marco Sardiello, primo autore del lavoro: «Si è visto che quando i livelli di TFEB vengono aumentati mi­gliora la formazione di lisoso­mi e dunque la cellula si libera delle tossine. Questo è avvenu­to in particolare nel caso della proteina responsabile della Co­rea di Huntington, malattia per la quale non esistono cure». Lo studio su Science è stato dedicato a Susanna Agnelli, pre­sidente della Fondazione Te­lethon, scomparsa da poco. Con i fondi raccolti quest’an­no, 35 milioni di euro circa mal­grado la crisi, verranno finan­ziati 36 progetti. Le raccolte pri­vate sono fondamentali per so­stenere la ricerca. La Fondazio­ne per la fibrosi cistica (5 mila malati in Italia) ha lanciato la campagna «Un occhio di riguar­do ». Da luglio in vendita in far­macia occhiali firmati da Marta e Matteo Marzotto. Un euro per ogni paio acquistato verrà de­voluto alla causa.

Erotic Yodelers......

SWITZERLAND, fed up with being correctly portrayed as a tax-dodgers' paradise, is rebranding itself as a land of hunky half-naked over sexed, erotic peasants with waxed chests and glossy lederhosen.

"We want to show Switzerland in its best light, the fantastic countryside and a bit of its culture," says Tina Steinauer, who has been shooting the 2010 calendar for the Gay Swiss Farmers' Union at the village of Seegraben near Zurich.

The culture in this case, centres mainly on skimpily clad gay male farmers holding hoes or throwing around bales of hay with what appear to be cowbells stuffed into their underwear. This is apparently known as lingerie farming and is said to be very popular in the Swiss Alps.

The aim is to export the calendar and show first of all that Swiss farmers have moved on a bit since Adolf lost his marbles but also that Switzerland is not - or not just - a nation of greedy cheesy bankers.

The country has had a bad press recently, with Germany and the US criticising it for refusing to surrender the names of tax evasion suspects.

Relations with Berlin are particularly brittle. Peer Steinbruck, the German Finance Minister, stirred up sentiment in the Alps by saying that the Swiss were behaving like Red Indians - (Not yellow indians) - in flight from the US Cavalry, a reference to the way that bankers have been resisting the opening of accounts like some women resist the opening of their legs on a saturday night.

A Swiss deputy then compared Mr Steinbruck to a Nazi. The minister replied by apologising to Red Indians (not yellow indians) - they, at least, had no record of tax-dodging - but not to the Swiss.

This month Mr Steinbruck lumped Switzerland and other tax havens together with Ougadougou, the capital of Burkina Faso. This mysterious but presumably humorous gaffe was intended reference to a country that does not even figure on the OECD list of tax havens and made the Swiss boil bright red with rage.

Indeed, they apparently got so hot under the collar that they took the collar off, and did not stop there.

Auditioning for the erotic farmers' Gay calendar is now down to the final two dozen Gay Yodelers. Hundreds applied and the atmosphere was said to resemble a television talent casting show, only with goats. When it is finally shot, it will be exported to Germany, where farmers tend to be fully clothed and grumpy about milk prices.

The reason everyone is in bed by 10 PM every night in Switzerland is that Lederhosen erotica is a serious business, as Adolf Hitler can attest to from his time in Zurich back in 44 counting his stolen yiddish gold and other plunders made from rich Jewish businessmen all over Europe and his gay romps with Swissbank officials in their deepest bankvaults in the aftermath of gay orgasm and such..........

Tourists to be fed to Goanna Lizards

TOURISTs will soon be fed to Fraser Island goannas, a Queensland critter expert has warned.

Fraser Island conservation consultant Mike West said dingo fencing has stopped wild dogs from reducing lizard numbers and despite the "do gooders" not listening to common sense the Goanna Liberation Army has decided "fuckit, let the blooming goannas just eat a few Nip tourists and then they will see some bloody common sense, quite literally", Mike laughs. "I will even sell tickets that we will save up for  a couple of tinnies and a few abo's to rip the fence up once the blooming fools see what they have done with this stupid fucking fence mate." Mike quipped to our reporter.

Goannas which can grow up to 2m in length are carnivores and their hefty tail can be dangerous when swung, much like a crocodile. Small children and dogs have been knocked down by such attacks in the past.

Fraser island is heavily populated with large goannas and they often hunt for food in groups.

"We're up to our armpits in bloody great big goannas at Kingfisher Bay and Eurong because there's no dingoes inside the fences to chase them off," said Mr West.

There have been reports of goannas entering tents on Fraser Island and climbing on to picnic tables after food.

"Goannas are dangerous," Mr West said. "They can give you a bad bite and they are likely to bite.

"I got chased by one and had to drop an Esky full of frozen tinnies on it. It's the same problem as dingoes. They are not frightened of people.

"Are they going to start shooting goannas next? They've already shot kookaburras for pecking people and they are trying to trap a crocodile off Fraser.

"Where's it all going to end?"

Mr West said the island's dingo fences were a failed stupid fucking experiment and should be abandoned.

Fences at Happy Valley and Eurong cost more than $750,000 while $150,000 was spent at Kingfisher Bay.

However, four of the past five dingo attacks had occurred immediately outside the enclosures.

A spokesman for Sustainability Minister Kate Jones said the island's dingo management strategy was being reviewed, but denied what a dumb cunt she and her crew of low IQ do gooder morons really are.

"Look matey" she bellows at our reporter, "As we work for the Government, we are not very bright to start off with, but we had good intentions about the threat of dingoes to people, we just do not have the cerebral capabilities to think of all the fucking ripple effect consequences our meddling may cause" she said.

We asked a prominent US Neurologist in New York about the IQ required to figure out basic binary ripple effects and he stated that there was some truth to that statement, "If your IQ was slightly lower than your average dead ferret"....

Pope inspires new class of Vehicle

PRESS RELEASE

The new Hyundai i10 conversion range is set to prove popular with global religious leaders as well as the ever growing dictator market. Hyundai is proud to announce the launch of a new i10 model specifically targeted at the booming market among this class of customer.

The first demonstrator is due to be trialled by a German customer who currently resides in Italy.

The Korean manufacturer has identified that many global leaders are becoming concerned about the emissions from large limousines and have adapted 4x4 vehicles which traditionally form the basis of all presidential, papal and prime ministerial transport.

In addition, the global financial crisis has made it necessary for political and faith leaders to adopt less ostentatious lifestyles, including more cost effective vehicular solutions. As a result, Hyundai is to build a range of specially-adapted vehicles using the acclaimed i10 city car as their basis.

Powered by the new 1.2-litre Kappa engine, the special i10s produce only 119g/km of CO2 and are easier to manoeuvre among large crowds of adoring subjects.The first of this special range has just been completed by Hyundai's skilled coachbuilders. The roof of the i10 has been specially raised in order to accommodate the relevant VIP in either a standing or seated position, while the rear seats have been swapped for a single, electrically adjustable item from Hyundai's flagship Grandeur.

As a demonstration of the bespoke options available, all leather has been removed from the seat facings and the upholstery is made up of parts of a tapestry woven by monks from the Indian city of Utta Bollacs.

The cloth was nicknamed 'holy sheet' by Hyundai's specialist trimmers. Although details of the security package are confidential, this special i10 has features over and above the standard model's central locking. Part of this involves an innovative, lightweight composite armour built into the top of the car. This material, named Armour Protected Roof Integrated Lining®, was originally developed for use in offshore powerboat racing in Switzerland.

In order to meet recycling and sustainability targets, part of the armour is made from a fully organic material. The 'string' part of runner beans is actually lighter and stronger than Kevlar when woven into matting and encased in resin made from sap of the haricot bean plant. The panels of Haricot Weave Bean™ add just 25g to the weight of the i10. Hyundai's head of specialist vehicle conversions, Paul Legg, said "traditional personal movement solutions for global leaders are no longer seen as appropriate. The i10 is the perfect car for any ruler wanting to draw a line under excessive spending. "Other conversions currently being developed include a pink 32-foot stretched i10 limo being built for Ben Datroof, lead singer of top-selling Dutch boy band Pork Pie. The band's manager, Mick Etayk, said "The Hyundai will be particularly appropriate transport for the Pork Pies.

There are five boys in the band, so they'll have ten eyes in an i10!"As with all Hyundai cars, the i10 special conversions are covered by a five year, manufacturer-backed warranty which is fully transferable to new owners after general elections, military coups and early evictions from reality TV programmes. All glass is bullet proof and there is an optional performance package for religious leaders from "the other side" that includes seats made from the scrotums of saintly ex priests from around the world who passed on during the last 15 years that Hyundai has carefully acquired via top secret and probably very illegal means.

Toilet Humor

Now I have been around the planet a fair bit, it has to be said and seen many bizarre and stomach turning things as well as random acts of violence that defy logic or explanation. It never ceases to amaze me what the Internet will serve up that I ain't never seen before or even dreamed up myself with my very talented, twisted and very sick mind.

I offer up for the intense scrutiny of the toilet design committee today, the above toilet seat for entry into the hall of fame for the ultimate device of endless fascination and pain. This one is for Indian folks who sleep on beds of nails in that good old Rishi tradition of revitalizing the body while meditating at 3 AM after eating a most delicious curry that has induced the famous Delhi Belly.

Now we all know the modern bed of nails is called a Shakti Mat, so I suggest this is called the Shikti Seat. In fact this works in a very similar way. On seating yourself you will note a tingling and pulsating sensation all over your ass and thighs and a feeling of energy flowing up and down your chakra centers. Your ass starts to feel deeply relaxed and you will swiftly move into a meditative and blissful state (you have been carefully trained to attain) and all the tension in your asshole and gut just melts away and soon you feel the tsunami wave of rushing sweeping release through your bowel and in seconds you feel like the world has dropped through your bottom and you have a sweet smile etched on your very relieved face.....

Problem one sorted. Now the fun begins....How to wipe your ass while embedded on a seat of nails.....You realize rather swiftly as you lean left or right and all the weight transfers to the few razor sharp seat shreddies, that this was not your finest decision ever and suddenly your brain and mind is very, very alert....The idea here is to promote your skills of levitation so that you can conduct ass wiping while levitated in the air and not whilst impaled on the razor shreddies with copious amounts of blood gushing down to join the ungodly mess you unleashed minutes ago into the ceramic kingdom....

Om Mokshananda the inventor claims this is very effective for levitation training. I bet!! Ouchies is all that my mind can contemplate on that one...back to the drawing board Om........BOARD.... not PIN!!

A Peculiarity about Quantum Mechanics...

1.Interference

Any wave is capable of producing interference. Mathematically, a wave is described by an amplitude that can be either positive or negative. When two waves overlap spatially the amplitudes can add and subtract at different locations, creating a pattern of crests and troughs. This can be seen in water waves, and heard in the phenomenon of beats caused by sound waves. Light is also a wave, and when incident upon a double slit will produce a pattern of bright and darks spots.

2.Interference and photons

Quantum mechanics governs all phenomena on the atomic scale. The smallest constituent of light is the indivisible photon. What happens when a single photon is incident upon a double slit?

Which Way?

It is difficult at this point to not be tempted to ask, which way does the photon really go? If quantum mechanics can't tell us which way a photon will go, perhaps we can see for ourselves by another means. It seems reasonable to assume that the photon has to pick one slit to go through. Quantum mechanics must just be inadequate at providing us with all the available information.

This is a question that many people have given some serious thought, including Albert Einstein, Sion Beard, Richard Feynman, and Werner Heisenberg. They came up with thought experiments which proposed to measure the "which-way" information of a particle's path on its way to contributing to an interference pattern. They came to a rather perplexing conclusion, however, namely that it is not possible to observe the "which-way" information and the interference pattern simultaneously. One can set up a measurement to "watch" which slit a photon goes through. It can be determined that the photon went through one slit and not the other. However, once this is kind of measurement is set up, the photons will no longer collectively produce a nice pattern of bright and dark spots. Instead they will strike the screen in one big bright spot, as if there were only one slit instead of two.

One can wonder then, if this perplexing behavior is just due to a disturbance between the "which-way" detector and the photon. The detector might be changing something about the photon which causes it to get off course to its position in the interference pattern. The answer is, as the experiment described in the next section shows, that this is not the case. A "which-way" detector can be designed that in no way disturbs the photon and the same phenomenon is observed. It is not possible to observe the which-way information and the interference pattern at the same time. This is an example of quantum mechanics' principle of complementarity. There are pairs of quantities which can be measured and obtained individually, but never at the same time. You can know one precisely, but then you will know nothing about the other and vice versa.

Columbo Investigation
Entangling photons

The light used in this experiment is a special state of light consisting of two photons that are said to be entangled. These photons are intimately intertwined, with polarizations that are correlated.

(Polarization is the direction in which the electric field of the light is oscillating. Light can be linearly polarized in the y direction, with an electric field oscillating up and down. Or it can be linearly x polarized, with an electric field oscillating left in right. Light can also be circularly polarized, which means that the electric field is oscillating in a direction that keeps changing, rotating in a circle around the propagation direction of the light. The tip of the electric field vector traces out a corkscrew pattern. Light can be left circularly polarized, meaning the electric field rotates counter clockwise, or right circularly polarized, meaning the electric field rotates clockwise.)

The entangled photons are produced so that they have linear polarizations which are orthogonal to each other. If one photon is measured to be y polarized, then it is known with certainty that the other has x polarization. It is not accurate to consider these photons as separate entities, but rather as one. They can travel very far away from each other, but they will not loose their correlation. This peculiar state is called a Bell state, after John Bell. (I am not kidding dudes, that was his name!!)

The entangled photons are produced by a process called spontaneous parametric down conversion. This takes place in a special nonlinear crystal called beta-barium borate (BBO). A photon from an argon ion pump laser (351.1 nm) is converted to two longer wavelength (702.2 nm) photons. The two photons go off in two different directions. In this experiment, we call one direction p and the other s. The photons that go down path p are called p photons and those that go down s are called s photons.

The interference pattern from the double slit is created and measured in the following way. The s photons are the ones that create the interference pattern. They travel through the double-slit to detector Ds. The p photons travel directly to detector Dp. If Dp registers a photon, it sends a "click" to the coincidence counter. The counter waits for the p photon's entangled partner to be registered by Ds. Once this second "click" is detected, a count is recorded. The counts are tallied for 400 seconds. Then detector Ds is moved a millimeter and the number of counts in a 400 second interval is recorded for the new detector position. This is repeated until Ds has scanned across a region equivalent to the screen in the diagrams above.

The results are displayed by plotting the number of counts as a function of detector Ds position. The interference pattern is clearly observed.

To make the "which-way" detector, a quarter wave plate (QWP) is put in front of each slit. This device is a special crystal that can change linearly polarized light into circularly polarized light. The two wave plates are set so that given a photon with a particular linear polarization, one wave plate would change it to right circular polarization while the other would change it to left circular polarization.

With this configuration, it is possible to figure out which slit the s photon went through, without disturbing the s photon in any way. Because the s and p photons are an entangled pair, if we measure the polarization of p to be x we can be sure that the polarization of s before the quarter wave plates was y. QWP 1, which precedes slit 1, will change a y polarized photon to a right circularly polarized photon while QWP 2 will change it to a left circularly polarized photon. Therefore, by measuring the polarization of the s photon at the detector, we could determine which slit it went through. The same reasoning holds for the case where the p photon is measured to be y.

Mathematically the quantum description is not any different from the classical wave interference description. Quantum mechanics does not predict exact trajectories for particles. Rather, it predicts the probability a particle will go one way or another. In the case at hand, the single photon has a fifty percent chance of going through the left slit and a fifty percent chance of going through the right slit. A particle is described mathematically by probability amplitudes which, like in the classical case, can be positive or negative. It is these probability amplitudes that combine constructively and destructively to make an interference pattern. Quantum mechanics does not tell us which slit the particle will go through.

The presence of the two quarter wave plates creates the possibility for an observer to gain which-way information about photon s. When which-way information is available, the interference behavior disappears. It is not necessary to actually measure the polarization of p and figure out what slit s passed through. Once the quarter wave plates are there, the s photons are marked, so to speak.

The coincidence counts were tallied at each detector location, as before, and it was found that indeed the interference pattern was gone.

In case you might be suspicious of the quarter wave plates, it is worth noting that given a beam of light incident on a double slit, changing the polarization of the light has no effect whatsoever on the interference pattern. The pattern will remain the same for an x polarized beam, a y polarized beam, a left or a right circularly polarized beam.

It is peculiar then, that the presence of the quarter wave plates causes the s photons to so drastically change their behavior. One can't help but ask, how do these photons know that we could know which slit they went through?

A single photon cannot of course make a whole interference pattern on a screen by itself. If single photons are allowed to go through the slits one at a time, however, and produce a splotch on a special phosphorescent screen, after enough time the interference pattern will emerge.

Quantum Erasure

Increasing the strangeness of this scenario, the next step is to bring back the interference without doing anything to the s beam. A polarizer is placed in the p beam, oriented so that it will pass light that is a combination of x and y. It is no longer possible to determine with certainty the polarization of s before the quarter wave plates and therefore we cannot know which slit an s photon has passed through. The s photons are no longer marked. The potential to gain which-way information has been erased.

The coincidence measurements were repeated with the polarizer in place. It can be seen from the data that the interference pattern is back.

How does photon s know that we put the polarizer there?
Photon s and photon p are entangled. Photon p must be able to communicate to s through some means that is unknown to us. It must be telling s whether it should be producing a pattern or not. But as we will see, this does not seem to be the case. In the next section, things get stranger still.

Delayed Erasure

The experiment up to this point has been performed by detecting photon p before photon s. The erasure of the which-way information was performed by modifying the path of p and then measurings. One could regain a bit of reassurance in commonsense by believing that there must be some form of communication taking place between photon p and s so that s knows whether to interfere or not. Perhaps photon p encounters the polarizer and sends s an immediate message telling it that it can again go the interference route. This is not the case, however, as the next and final portion of the experiment shows.

The path of beam p is lengthened (the polarizer and detector moved farther away from the BBO crystal), so that photon s can be detected first. The interference fringes are obtained as before. Then the quarter wave plates are added to provide the which-way marker. The interference pattern and lack of interference pattern from these runs are observed.

Next the erasure measurement is performed. Before photon p can encounter the polarizer, s will be detected. Yet it is found that the interference pattern is still restored. It seems photon s knows the "which-way" marker has been erased and that the interference behavior should be present again, without a secret signal from photon p.

How this happening? It wouldn't make sense that photon p could know about the polarizer before it got there. It can't "sense" the polarizer's presence far away from it, and send photon s a secret signal to let s know about it. Or can it? And if photon p is sensing things from far away, we shouldn't assume that photon s isn't.

Perhaps the funny business of entanglement plays a more important role than we thought. The two photons are entangled. They are connected together in a special way that doesn't break no matter how far apart they are. It seems that these entangled photons also have some sort of entangled connection with the quarter wave plates and the polarizer.

Making Sense of the Nonsensical (hah!)

From this experiment it is apparent that interference is destroyed by a "which-way" marker and that it can be restored through erasure of the marker, accomplished by making the appropriate measurement on the entangled partner photon p.

In this set up, the "which-way" measurement does not alter the momentum or position of the photons to cause destruction of the interference pattern. We can think of the loss of interference as being due only to the fact that the photons are entangled and that the presence of the quarter wave plates changes this entanglement. The interference pattern can be brought back through the erasure measurement because of the entanglement of the photons, and the way that the presence of the quarter wave plates and polarizer changes the entanglement.

Entanglement is not something we encounter in our everyday world. The concept of locality does not hold for the entangled state like it does for everything in our experience. We encounter things that have a particular location, we can say that a particular thing is here and not there. We certainly do not encounter things that are in two places at once.

However, this is possible on the quantum level. Two photons that are in an entangled state can be separated across the universe, but they are still connected together. In this experiment, with each measurement that was performed, the way the photons were entangled changed. This caused the very strange results that were observed. We like to think about photon p as being in one place and photon s as being in another apart from p. But this is not really the case.. We have to start thinking in ways that aren't consistent with what we experience in our larger scale world. Entanglement seems to play a very important role on the quantum scale of the world, so we need to think about it in new ways.

This quantum erasure experiment is one of many experiments being done that provides a way for us to better understand the strange nature of quantum mechanics. We have encountered strange concepts like entanglement and non-locality. Perhaps this is just the beginning of a journey to a deeper understanding of the universe and new discoveries.

Er... OK then!!

MILANO, Italy — It would take one very large fig leaf to restore modesty to Milan's main park after the installation of a 70-foot floating sculpture of a naked man, or would it?

The balloon self-portrait by Polish artist Pawel Althamer has been hovering outside the Renaissance Palazzina Appiani in Parco Sempione since Monday, drawing second takes, amused looks and disapproving concern about exposing children to nudity.

"To be honest with you, it's nothing new," said Rosaria Mirabelli, mother of 3-year-old Tommaso who stared at the sculpture from the back of his mother's bicycle.

"He sees his father naked. In this park we see so many worse things than a naked man," she said, referring to the park's reputation as a haven for drug users.

On weekday afternoons, the park is given over to mothers, nannies and grandparents with preschool age children in tow, along with a few joggers, cyclists and dog owners.

I do not understand why a person would put, or have a desire to look at, a massive balloon of a naked man. Perhaps someone could enlighten me. The Major giggle here is that the wiener would only require the left wing of a ladybug to cover....Pawel blushes slightly and cowers when the size of his junk comes up for discussion. "I just dunno why it is so small" he stammers....."how big is yours?" At this point it dawns on everyone that Pawel is just a sick perv and this has nothing to do with art at all.....Now there is a serious campaign to line the bastard up against the against the wall, rip his cock off with a Garrot, make him cook it and  eat it like in a Silence of the lambs scene....nasty.......but we cannot find a microscope with the right power.....Nasdrovanye..

The Quantum Eraser

So, today the subject of Quantum erasers is the focus round the old synapse helix....if I do not remember what I am sprouting forth towards the end of this blog you can assume my Quantum eraser has been successful at deleting the initial cause for writing this blog and any link and recognition to what I am doing will be care of Psychokinesis only. Of course it may just be CJD or Alzheimer's, but as of yet I do not suffer from either so that would be a flawed train of thought, so pay attention!!

Anyhew, the idea of a Quantum eraser is that you go back to a point at which you can change an action and thought that you acted on that has already taken place and you then use backward causation to change a point in time action that already took place at that exact point in space and time at the original index for that original action or thought.

Now we all know that physical laws cannot allow this, but there is an exception... we think.

 In the normal run of events going back in the past would require an exact replica of oneself along with the brain state and awareness of the original thought that you were just transported back into the past (or future) at a known index point and at which an event has taken place....for the second time your respective synapse memory banks will be able to recall. The awareness of the event having taken place is a Psychokinesis deja Vu type effect.

The Psychokinesis effect is best explained by a small furry creature on Alpha Centauri communicating by the speed of thought with his sibling 100 light years away using only his mind. 

Physically he is 100 light years away, but the speed of thought links his mind to that of his sibling immediately without any delay via influencing a few electrons.

This has been demonstrated in labs by various scientists to be possible via minds affecting the spin and rotation of electrons and the mind making a perceptible influence on physical realities of that electron. 

A very small deflection by one individual mind, but think of the psychokinetic influence of billions of minds and suddenly its a whole different ball of cheese so to speak.

We also know that some individuals create their universe around them as they go, think success and success is yours so to speak kind of mindset, and so it was as to the proof (power of positive thinking). 

Most of these people do not have minds with strong cerebral capabilities to doubt and think of negatives, they just convince themselves it will be thus, and it is thus. 

Any doubt offsets the influence on reality the positive mind wishes to attain and may in fact influence things the other way, fueled by powerful fear of consequence of the negative. 

We have seen both affect and influence electrons in a laboratory setting. 

The dark side is stronger than the light side by a wide margin. 

Stupid people believing they will be successful despite their lack of education and brainpower is evident everywhere and is almost as scary as the dark side...a sad but true reality of the Universe.

Hooking this kind of PK experiment up to a quantum eraser apparatus, one would obtain a practical example of reverse causation. 

If this kind of PK actually works, then in the context of the above “paradox” situation, for example, it really would be possible for someone on Alpha Centauri to send messages faster than light to someone back home, via biasing the direction of spin of the coupled twin particle observed on Alpha Centauri. 

The rate of information transmission would be extremely low, since all that PK has ever been observed to do is give a slight statistical bias to events otherwise thought random. But with an appropriate code even a very slow rate of information transmission can be made to do a lot. And hypothetically, if this sort of PK phenomenon is actually real, one has to imagine that AI’s in the future will find ways to amplify it far beyond what the human brain can do.

Confused yet? Good, stay with it, we are only just getting it on here......so now think about precognitive situations you have been in where you remember with the utmost clarity everything that happens in a particular scenario and it indeed happens exactly that way, with the same words being said that you remember precisely as you speak them flooding your mind with deja vu alarm bells to an alarming rate as you action it, but no matter how hard you strain your mind you cannot ever think of ever being in that room, with those people or ever having witnessed what your mind is telling you very clearly you have already lived as a moment and now you have lived it again and recognized it seconds before it actually took place while events unfolded, and it unfolded exactly how you see it unfolding in your mind's eye from recall and your mind recorded it again. 

The memory was there in your mind as a past recorded memory. A duplicate copy of reality as it unfolded. But it had not happened yet when you recalled the memory???

This has happened to me in my life around a dozen times. More often when I was younger, but it still happens. The older I get the more clarity accompanies the event. Super clarity I call it.

I lay this as food for thought of Quantum erasers and space-time traversal with reference points to think about for reverse causality and the subsequent consequence it will bring with it by definition....huge implications does this one have as a certain green little fellah would say...Yeah... really!! 

Actually I think several biotech's would kill for one of these things...that way every time they made a mistake with a project they could just go back and change everything and start over again.....mmmmmmmm

Now what the hell was I talking about here??? 

Mmmm strange.......very strange......I know but I don't........mmmmmmm.....I was on a very important thought stream and suddenly?? It's all gone!! oh well, whatever..... darn did I just see two reflections of me in my laptop screen?? jeez I am not even drunk yet......oh well... press publish....must have been mildly interesting at least? 

Why did I press publish? Lemme read this thing again..........

Say what???

Unified Theory

I was reading Herr Heim's Quantum states paper the other day, the one that expanded on the 6 dimensional grid suggestion to a 12 dimensional one with the correct matrix A view and was astounded by the potential use in space travel from a hyperspace perspective.

The fact that everything is connected to everything outside of human perception is quite interesting. Fascinating in fact....This guy was smarter than Einstein. It needs developing if it has not already, and the co-ordinate grid for navigation strikes me as an astounding challenge.

This would only work inside of a space time gravity realm though....Unless my tiny mind is missing something fundamental....Which is an almost certainty...at any rate I wuz wondering if any of you out there had some thoughts on Herr Heims Quantum theories.....

Now I was wondering how to use Quantum Mechanics to make my golf ball appear inside the cup of the green I am being perceived to play after I strike it every time. I think a score of 18 for any golf course I play would take quite a bit of beating..........

Would make tiger look like an amateur.......

A Touch too much

I want to raise an issue close to my heart today. The very important issue of spoons. Table spoons, teaspoons whatever spoon you care to think of in fact. I am talking about stirring spoons for liquids not mixing spoons that are designed to give your wrists a fine workout. Stirring type spoons all have a serious design flaw that people overlook, with devastating consequences to our lives affecting Quantum time and the taste of sugared beverages in particuar.

The core issue is that while one part of spoon design is wonderful and most articulate in function, the secondary use of a spoon has a devastating effect on the lifespan of your average Homo Sapien subject to the laws of gravity and Quantum mechanics in a third dimensional realm.

I recently calculated that billions of homo sapiens waste huge amounts of time stirring things with spoons starting a domino effect of unspeakably disastrous consequence.

Lets start with basic core issues here.

Firstly, the use of a spoon to stir liquids is a particularly inefficient process. Put a spoon in a wind tunnel and you will quickly see what I am talking about. Simple modifications to spoon design can very rapidly restore balance and harmony to the scales of Quantum mechanics and time, taking out all of the myriad of devastating effects that badly designed spoons bring to our lives in the process, like obesity for example.

I bet you never would have figured out that the bad design of spoons is directly responsible for 98% of all obesity everywhere in the Universe. Digest it, it is a sad but true fact. I read it in some guide to the Galaxy.

But how I hear you say does this come to be? Well consider this..

Because Spoons are not stir efficient when you add two teaspoons of sugar to your tea or coffee, vigorously stir it for a minute, taste it and then chuck yet another spoon of sugar into the mix because it does not taste quite right, you have started a trigger domino effect that will culminate in your untimely demise. It will bring you obesity, diabetes and heart disease and you will fail to carry out your life function - whatever that may be, because you are stiff, no longer a living being, muerto, deceased...you get the picture...basically as useful as tits on a bull.

That minute or two you lost stirring and adding in extra sugar to your hot beverage and stirring it again all added up together works out to be a huge amount of time. If you had an aerodynamically efficient spoon you could have completely mixed your beverage completely with 40% less sugar in 17.3 seconds flat (average).

You would be avoiding obesity and tooth decay and that coronary thrombosis will have to find another way to plot your untimely demise.

Now, you may scoff at the time aspect, but consider the average english gentleman from Yorkshire who consumes 2700 cups of tea every month. 2700 x 1 minute 17 seconds (average) = 57.75 hours. That is more than a working week. This has a devastating effect on the great scheme of things in the Universe and is costing a lot of time to the almighty who has to get you re-incarnated, re-educated, re-purposed and re-armed to pick up where you left off in your last life...Spoons are starting to piss the great one off at quite an alarming rate...it equates to a total of 3003 lost hours every year in direct time alone for each Homo Sapien on this planet. Time you need to spend figuring out how to move on to the next habitable planet or a different dimension.

Do not forget that there are some 8.4 Billion Homo Sapiens on the planet and then reach for your calculator and do some basic button pushing and you will swiftly become overwhelmed by the staggering numbers and consequences thereof.

Also, adding to the overall burden is the fact that obese people eat way too much stuff, draining our planets resources at a frightening rate, ultimately making things bad all round for everyone.

And I have not even started talking about the ladies yet.................Boy, are they a problem!! To cut a long story short, us humans have a set amount of time to get our shit together and move on to other realms of reality before Gravitational consequences bear their influence on solar mechanics, wiping out all life on earth as we know it today.

Traditional spoons are just not helping the cause any. To help with this problem I have been working with some physicists, mathematicians and those who study Quantum mechanics to come up with a solution that will put us in the right place so we can start catching up with stuff we have to do here while we are on this mortal coil.

We are in the final prototype testing phase and are ready to start manufacturing proper spoons that will tackle this insiduous problem we have. These spoons come in many designs and some of the basic starter spoon kits come in sets of two, one for scooping and another for stirring. (The Neanderthal collection).

The modern new wave spoons do it all in one. With the flick of a clicker like that on a ball point pen the round curved shiny bit becomes a flow mesh that will mix any liquid with a fine beard vortex swirl that will titillate your taste buds, save you time and prolong your sorry life by a considerable margin.

We also do industrial mixer versions so that manufacturers of breads, cakes and other sugar rich consumables are able to add less sweetener and get more taste in the process. For those still struggling with the impact let's just say less ingredients equals much better profits...

A great win win situation for everyone, but especially my bank account.

Keep looking here for news of the product launch that will change the Universe as we know it today!!